Wednesday, 3/18/09, Day 126, Song of Songs 3:7-4:16

Did you grow up believing sex to be a beautiful and fulfilling part of marriage, or were you taught differently?

Nope, I didn't believe that sex was a beautiful and fulfilling part of marriage. Actually, to me, sex is a very scary thing. Even now I have the same thought. Growing up, I believe i was very ignorant towards a lot of things. For example, I only found out that I had cousins when I was in middle school and not only that, I also found out their real ages (i thought they were in high school, they were not -____-).......yeah i am pretty slow.......so yeah you can only imagine the time it took me to find out about sex. Before I thought babies popped out of the mother's belly button and that sex wasn't the cause of forming a baby. I don't remember when i was exposed to the truth....... my lack of knowledge on this subject is due to the fact that .... "who the heck am i suppose to ask about this matter?" My parents were out of the question because it would be too awkward to ask. Well I did talk to them about adoptions, child births, and what tradition says I am suppose to do and yadda yadda , but nothing really in depth. =P

All I know is that whenever I think about sex, i think about diseases. Just the mention of the word brings up so many diseases that I can list out. I guess it is not a bad thing that I think this way because at least I know for sure that I am not inclined to having sex anytime soon because of my fear for such diseases. The problem is what happens when I get married? Will I still be afraid? ....I don't know......

Anyways I do understand that God has given us something beautiful. Life is formed through this method. Although it is sad to to see that this subject is taken lightly these days and that people toy around with it. 'sigh' yeah....

this was an awkward post, but that is what i wanted to share =P