What have you wanted to do for God?
This question gave me a reality check. Reading the question in my head and then answering it with a "what do I want to do for God?" has made me realize how self-centered I am. Reflecting back to all the prayers that I have made or all the conversations I had with God, they all came out to be all about me. Like......umm......there were times where I would pray to God to give me strength or to help me through a situation or even those "thank you for giving me........."fill in the blank kind of things. The key word is me. Well, don't ge me wrong or anything for I do also pray for others too.....it is just that it is all about me and others and not enough about Him.
What does God want? I know that I can't offer any materialistic possessions for I know that He does not need it and it is after all inherently His in the first place. He wants faithfulness, trust, and my life only in His hands and no one Else's. Those are the things I can think of right now......I think there are more, but I can't think of them right now or is it because I don't know what more I can do for Him? Well the point is that I feel like by putting my faith, trust, and life onto Him is benefiting me the most. I know that if i for example put my trust in Him, then I know that I can be fearless knowing that I have a safety net under me. What is He gaining out of this? He is obviously gaining my trust, yet there will be times where I unfortunately will fall short on my trust for Him. It feels unfair how the scale is unbalanced at times. Like He is doing so much for me, and yet I am doing so little for Him.
I guess it is hard for me to think of things I could do for Him for He is so big and I am so small. It is like I can only do small things for Him and He is doing big things for me. The only way I can do big things is through Him. Again He is doing something utterly amazing with my life......but then again by me doing this "big thing"......... it can help further His plan, so it is also benefiting Him?.....i don't know where I am going with this......I am confused with my own thoughts right now.......
God is cool because I realize that He does not ask for much. He asks for few complex things, while I ask for plenteous simple things....that is what i think?
I don't know if i answered the question.....or it is my intention to have typed what I have typed up there.....it feels like i want to say something else instead.....hmm o wells, XP
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hey michelle, it's really good to know that you're struggling with this and not just letting it pass by without question. it shows that God is doing something in you by you thinking about it. for me, sometimes i forget that God is not there just for us to hand him our "laundry lists". i think our lives should be revolving around Him, and it shouldn't be Him revolving around us. it's really hard not to think of yourself.. i guess we gotta rely on God for that too, hopefully things will fall into place.
ReplyDeletewe'll pray for you and your process, and hopefully we could all grow investigating and asking God these questions together. =]