hmm as i am reading this devo kinda late....
one thing is occupying my mind so strongly...
God kept telling Moses to tell Pharaoh to release the Israelites, every single time, it fails, Pharaoh doesnt do what Moses tells him even though Moses is only telling him what God tells him to do. Imagine being in Moses shoes, God keeps telling you do to do something only in your eyes it keeps failing and God is telling you to keep doing it, only everytime it fails again. Wouldnt you get tired of doing the same thing God is telling you to do and you would feel like its hopeless you just can't DO IT! Haven't that happened to many of us before? God is telling us to do something only to keep failing everytime and you wonder why do i keep doing this? it's probably not the failing part that God is trying to make a point, it's probably something else....something wayy bigger! and for Moses, the repetitive failures were needed to show how powerful God was to people through Pharaohs hardened heart. For me, theres one thing I can't stop trying to do!!! That is leading worship, yeah sometimes it works out smoothly but so many times were there rough and big uneven steps and awkwardness during leading worship. When that happens, I feel like why did I want to lead worship? I'm horrible at this. Why does everytime it fails in my eyes, I feel like leading worship just isn't my thing. Then a few weeks pass and I feel it within me to lead worship! Just totally forgetting what happened in the past and how I felt. I keep on wondering and I still don't get why I keep wanting to lead worship when most of the time it doesn't work out the way I plan. I'm not sure it totally relates but from this devo, it just seems like maybe God has something else in mind and theres something He wants me to learn or maybe realize....but I don't know....I haven't realized it yet...but that will definitely be in my head for a bit. Curious, curious, curious. I won't forget till God reveals it to me. ...hopefully...
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It's great to hear people wanting to do things for God. Some are afraid to even take the chance and risking failure...because in the eyes of the world, failure is equated to being a "loser". What I've found in my experiences of experimenting with a lot of things is that, over time, especially as it applies to ministry, if I consistently fail at something, then perhaps that's a sign that's not the thing to do. Being involved in music seems like a cool thing to do...so I tried learning the piano in college, tried picking up the drums and of course, the guitar...but failed in all of those things. Perhaps it's a lack of discipline and focus to practice daily on those instruments...or perhaps the timing is not right RIGHT NOW. Sometimes though, it's just selfish ME wanting to do it...and not so much what God wants me to do. So it's humbling to learn that I just don't have musical/instrumental talent...and that those instruments should be left by me into the hands of those whom God has certainly gifted in the areas of playing instruments for His glory (such as Brenda). I'm ok with not playing instruments now...because who am I to question the all wise God? :) I do thank Him for gifts/talents in other areas...such as sports and being able to organize things.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have failed at leading worship. I've been there and I know you brought me and I believe the fellowship into the presence of God. Especially in the songs you selected. You never make casual choices. It is clear to me you choose songs that mean a lot to you and express your relationship with God. Your comments also reflect that you really know this God and you have a healthy on-going relationship with God. You also care a great deal about your brothers and sisters in the fellowship. You want them to experience God like you do. You communicate this very clearly. Perhaps this is a bit presumptious, but I think God is thrilled with your worship because it comes from a passionate pure heart, focused on God.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are things you need to learn and improve on, and I believe they will come in time.
I've asked Thomas and Vivian to provide worship leadership training classes, very soon. I hope you will be able to attend.
hey steph!! umm....i am happy that you shared something pretty personal. i would've never guessed that you thought this way....maybe it is because you look like you are having so much fun up there.ummm....you probably don't remember, but there was a time when you and karen (i think) did something new for worship. You made us separate ourselves from each person in the room, close our eyes, listen to the lyrics, and start singing whenever we felt like it. hmm...im not sure this is the right memory. well anyways, i really liked how you did that. I felt like i could really concentrate on God and just sing. It made me not care whether or not people were looking at me, i just sang. well, if i am wrong about this memory, i just want you to know that i enjoy watching you lead worship because you lead with a heart for God. Thank you for your sharing.
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