Day 52

Today's entry was quite good. It captured a common dilemma for believers. Often we sense God's call for us to do something, and almost immediately there can be a sudden accompanying sense of doubt and fear that freezes us in our tracks. I recall one time when a woman from the church choir was hospitalized. As I prayed for her, during my daily devotions, I felt a strong urging telling me to visit her in the hospital. The woman was very outspoken, and had a mercuril personality. I had usually given her a wide berth in the past. But the sense that I needed to visit her was very strong. So I began to bargain. I told God, "I'll go but if I can't find, parking, I'm going home." I arrive at the hospital and immediately I found parking very close by. Japanese culture, a visitor cannot arrive emptyhanded. I knew the hospital had a gift shop but it had irregular hours. I told God, "If the gift shop is closed or I can't find anything nice that I can afford, I'm going home." The gift shop was open, and I found a cute, inexpenive teddy bear, dressed in a kimono. Perfect. I head for the room, my last ditch condition,"If the husband is not there I'm not staying." The husband was there, we visited for over an hour. She liked the bear. We prayed. I read scripture. We became friends. The next time I had one of those urgings I went more willingly.